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Sometimes it dawns on me how long ago it has been since I had the accident and how much has changed in my life due to that stupid accident… I still can’t walk and next week is going to be an important week as I have a check up at the hospital with hopefully good news. I made the mistake today, kind of in preparation for tuesday, to check some information on a talus fracture and of course I found mostly horror stories of people that are still not able to walk after 5 years. And they had ‘only’ broken it, not shattered.

And it hits me harder sometimes than it does other times. Today was one of those days; home alone, not able to get out of the house or even do the most simple of things as that would require either standing or being able to go upstairs. I cannot go grocery shopping, I cannot walk around.. Blegh… And it’s been so long… 🙁

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I am grateful I can still do the majority of my work so that helps at least in killing the time during the week, but the weekends are hardest. Tom is out to work and I cannot do much other than work on my laptop, read a book and such but even that gets old after three months of nothing.

So yes fed up and even more fed up that there is no finish line as of yet. No one knows how long it will take to be able to get some sort of function back in my right ankle if at all. My foot is at a weird angle and definitely not as it should be. So it kind of looks like it is not growing together the right way.

I am practising with crutches but I can’t do much more than 10 meters and back. My left ankle (which of course was also broken) is weak and my leg muscles non existing, despite doing daily exercises. It’s the weight bearing thing that is hard. I can stand up so I try to do that as often as I can to strengthen those muscles too but it is going insanely slow. Far too slow for my taste.

If only I knew it would be 6 months or whatever, but right now everything is uncertain. Yes, people tell me it will heal, but those people really are just saying it to comfort me, and have no idea. Not even the doctors know and they are the last to tell me it will heal as they just don’t make those promises.

So it’s hard and it sucks and I just had to get that of my chest. I’m usually in a more positive mode than today though and I will be again tomorrow. I promise!